This time a year ago I was really in a dark place. It’s sort of came on rather quickly and set up camp for several months. I was at the Kingdom fellowship weekend and time stood still. It was like just God and me among the sea of worshiping people. Every single person around me was just as hungry as I was. Some didn’t have a fellowship while others like me were discouraged by the one God had placed them in. Whatever the reason was I firmly believe God hand picked each and every person who sat in the overheated tabernacle for those three days.
When I say time stopped I’m not using some pretty literary word picture. Time literally stopped. My heart was beating but my flesh was frozen and my mind was empty ready to be filled. I had up until that point not understood what it was like not to get bored with some part of the message being displayed before me. I sat still( well as still as I get for having feet that don’t touch the ground),I wrote at lightning speed,and I took in as much as I possibly could. That was the moment I became hungry.
Sure I had desire before that blessed weekend. What I lacked was raw untainted hunger for the truth. Excuse my crude analogy but I was like how vampires are in the movie twilight I used to like. Always left thirsty for blood even after feeding off of a substitute. Never being truly satisfied until they had the real desire of their needs met with human blood. Ok I warned you it was pretty lame but that’s what came to mind.
Man after man came up to the microphone to pour his heart out as He shared what the Father had given to him to say. You could hear the sincerity in their voices. You could see the desperation in the men who where praying constantly during the weekend. You could feel the Godheads presence. You could taste the sweet flavor of your life changing. It’s those moments I wish so badly we could hold on to and never ever let go. Tonight as I type this there is another group hand picked by God experiencing that same thing that I did. This knowledge blesses me ever so much!
No sooner did I leave the comforts of the tabernacle and re enter my normal life did Satan begin to attack. I came so close to just leaving my fellowship because it didn’t meet my standards. I became critical of the people who defined this fraction of the bride of Christ. Although my frustrations were rooted in truth I had no room for grace in my self righteous crusade.
Through KFW God caused me to look up some of the groups represented that weekend. One being Followers of the Way. Now before I begin I don’t want to elevate them to some sort of idol. This is just how God has worked in my life through them.
I started listening to some of their online messages which for awhile only made me covet what my fellowship lacked. That was because I was only hearing what Satan wanted me to hear. One day on my way to farmers market I listened to a message about lies that Satan tells us. If there was a textbook for lies of Satan I had met them all. I had no real idea what satanic attacks looked like nor how Satan worked. He was just the evil one and the opposite of of God. It wasn’t until then that I could rid him from my thinking.
Of course it wouldn’t be a quick fix and I still have to be on guard for his lies. There have been several moments when he has used others to attack me without them knowing it and I now know how to handle it. I might always have a tendency to be negative and I really hope through Gods grace that I may overcome that but I’m forever indebted to KFW and Followers of the Way for the education if you will and the “fellowship” that can come even across the miles.
I couldn’t see anything profitable in my own fellowship and although they may never understand what they have given me my walk with my Jesus has been restored and I’m thankful. I may not always fellowship with the a German Baptist. I don’t know what God’s ultimate plan is. One thing I do know for sure is that this fellowship is a work in progress and there are many things to be thankful for.